I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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