He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
