Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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