chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
