the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize