Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
