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he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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