college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
