dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
