I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't turn off my feet"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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