I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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