I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
