so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
