is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
