I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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