Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
