hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
