I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His nipple licking is glorious
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