that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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