I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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