I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
