Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
