It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
