In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
