It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
