Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
