Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
