I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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