I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
