I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
