Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
