Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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