The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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