who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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