The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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