I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I checked into jail on foursquare
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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