If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
