Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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