I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
