i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
