I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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