I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
