she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
