I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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