Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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