The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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