There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
