i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
