i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
