Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
