In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
