I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
