The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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