I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
