I'm so fucking centered right now
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
