so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
