I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
