At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
