I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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