Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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