They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
