Will you blow on my dice?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am naked and annoyed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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