When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
