I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
