I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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