Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
