I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
